Selling Yourself : Turning a Necessary Evil into a Skill

I have to say, and I know I'm not alone here, of all the things which are part of running a small business, selling yourself and networking often feels like the biggest necessary evil. Unfortunately it is also the one thing that is crucial for success.

I know for many, including myself, it feels uncomfortable, forced, or even draining. But whether we like it or not, sales and networking are essential for growing networks, gaining clients, and building a reputation.

This is not my first business and it has been something I have struggled with my whole life. Over the years, I have been doing lots of self reflection, research and training to find out why selling yourself and networking can feel so difficult and how we can get better at it without losing ourselves in the process.

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Why It Makes Us Uncomfortable

For many business owners, especially those of us who are more introverted or focused on their craft, the idea of "selling" feels disingenuous or pushy. We might worry that we’re coming across as too self-promotional or that networking will feel fake. This discomfort often stems from three things, my personal trifecta.

• Fear of Rejection: Putting yourself out there can feel vulnerable. What if someone says no, or doesn’t seem interested in your work?

• Imposter Syndrome: You may feel like you’re not good enough or that others in the room have more experience or expertise.

• Discomfort with Self-Promotion: Talking about your skills and accomplishments may feel like bragging, which can go against your natural humility or values.

How to Get Better at Selling Yourself

While it may never be something you love, I have learned you can develop these skills in a way that feels more authentic and less daunting. Here are some tips which have helped me get more comfortable with it:

1. Shift Your Mindset

Instead of viewing selling and networking as self-promotion, try to see it as sharing your passion or helping others solve a problem. Reframe the conversation as an opportunity to offer value or insight, rather than focusing on "selling" something.

My tip: Practice explaining what you do in a way that highlights the benefits to others. For example, “I help small businesses grow by offering project management services that save them time and stress.”

2. Start Small and Build Confidence

You don’t need to dive into large events or make bold sales pitches from the start. Begin by networking in smaller, more comfortable settings, like local business or community groups or informal meetups. Just get out there, even if there is no direct link to your business. Over time, it will feel more natural.

My tip: Set small, manageable goals; like reaching out to one new contact a month or attending one networking event every quarter. We are lucky in Mansfield with such an active community which provides ample opportunity to catch up with like minded people.

3. Focus on Building Relationships, Not Transactions

The most successful networking isn’t about handing out business cards or making quick sales; it’s about building genuine relationships. Approach networking with the goal of getting to know people, learning about their challenges, and seeing where you can help. Long-term connections often lead to business opportunities down the road.

My tip: Follow up after meeting someone new. A short message or coffee invitation helps solidify the relationship.

4. Practice Makes Perfect

Selling and networking are skills, and like any skill, they improve with practice. The more you put yourself out there, the more comfortable it becomes. Start by attending low-pressure events or scheduling casual conversations with potential clients or collaborators you already know to ease into it.

My tip: Role play, people have been given me this tip many times but I am not sure I will ever do it so I won't feel offended if you don't either. Apparently it is a great way to get feedback in a safe environment. I'll let you make up your own mind on this one. I have never gotten farther than using a mirror, and even that I don't like.

Finally please know you are not alone, you can't imagine how many people I have spoken to about this issue who feel exactly the same. But, try and embrace the necessary evil, while selling yourself may never be your favorite part of running a business, they are crucial for success. By shifting your mindset, starting small, and focusing on relationships, you can make these tasks feel less like a chore and more like an opportunity to grow and connect. Keep these tips handy, and especially refresh your memory right before you enter the lions den (that's what it feel like for me), it does get easier.

I hope these few tips help you, feel free to share any other techniques that have helped you in the comments.